I wove my grey cloud

My mobile phone got hanged in the evening. I tried to move the heaven and earth but all went in vain. I pressed myself to resume the book I was reading by Paulo Coelho. After travelling myself through few pages, my eyelids stopped doing its duty "Close your book so that I can hibernate" it indicated.

After a nap, I woke up. My mobile
was still not working. But I was not frustrated as usual. Why? Is it because the Author's words pacified me? I pick the book again and happen to read the same paragraph twice, as I lost my bookmark. One part of me said
"Close the book I'm too worried about my phone", the other part said
"Let's read the book until my mobile starts
functioning normal".
                
     But why do I procrastinate? Why has this laziness creeped into me and spread like insulin? Not just in reading books but also in writing a story, completing my assignments ets, having my breakfast.
                  But wait didn't I finish a book in one full sweep a few days back? The two parts of me starts to argue again
"Come on the sole reason is that it was
a romace-novel", the other part of me contradicted
"Then what about the poem I wrote a few days back"
"But how long did you take to complete it, how many days"
"Uh, a week long though".

I have tried to push myself in scenarios where I've only few hours left for my deadline  and I've got better outputs. But isn't that being dutiful and not myself working whole heartedly. I have written stories in last few hours of deadline, but to be frank when did I actually get its plot from? I got my senses back. It's true, it was only when I was relaxed
and my mind was loafing around. So am I justifying myself for being lazy? No! I found out that once I am feeling lazy, I have to just go by the time. But not procrastinating at the same time thinking how I could make this time more useful.

I try to put my laziness on a scale. The size of a wrist watch? wall clock? No, I could've built a Big Ben all by myself with my futile time. So it is just a thought of two. To do or not to do. If yes, come'on dust up your butt , travand start working.
If not sit, gather moss. But go places with your thoughts, travel from your childhood crush to the futuristic inventions you think the world needs. It's all like a butterfly effect, you have no idea what your thoughts and simple actions can lead to.
                
     Even as I stride on my terrace, thinking about what the author said. How he too is facing the same problem, though he does a job with gratification and passion and gets paid for years. Several thoughts of mine conjoin his.
And I thought for a second, why don't I write this down and publish in my blog. It's been months since my browser saw the Blogger tab. Again the two parts of me debate
"You can't type now your phone is not working"
"But I can take a notebook and start writing"
"But my thoughts are like the rain, they reach my head only when I'm on the terrace and not in my room"
"So what? You need light to read, not to write. You can later interpret your pitch-dark scribblings when you sit to type".

After I write down a few lines, even the clouds made way and the moonlight pierces through and reaches my notebook. The nib of my pen starts to twinkle, complementing the hidden stars in the sky. It looks as if the moon winks at me saying "Go on champ! Tonight I'll be
your one-night stand". May be if I start to write every night it would be my wife.

                Wait, is it only procrastination my sole problem? What is the reason behind my procrastination? Bad vibes! Yes, I feel de-motivated easily nowadays.

If procrastinating has creeped into me, these bad vibes are like insectivorous plants. I'm their fly. As I had negative thoughts, I was captivated by them. And now I'm stuck in a dungeon of bad vibes echoing around . Precisely, they are like ultra-sexy models they can seduce you easily and make us a prey in their trap.

But why is that today even after all my sorrows being piled up from the death of Mr.APJ Abdul Kalam to my mobile phone being frozen, I've managed to wear a smile on my face like I wore the badges in my scout uniform with pride.
Is it because I had good chat with my favorite person, and the person's good vibes were contagious? Where were
these good vibes all these days? Did I fail to find the positive side in my negatives or was I so obsessed with negativity?
    
   As I try to search for answers, I realize that the people around me and the society have been a major factor for my activities. But isn't it childish and stupid to blame others? Why am I giving excuses? I'm mature enough to build up myself. It is just few years ago I came across the exact term "procrastination". And I came to know I'm not alone and there are many others suffering with this discorder. Oh gosh! Look I found another excuse. I am just finding excuses and not answers.
   
     It is like not taking an umbrella during the rainy season, I know it will rain. But isn't it my fault not taking an umbrella and later blame the rain as I catch cold?

All the external factors of our negativity is like the rain, each and every individual in this planet has his own umbrella-called the positivity. Neutralise it and later diminish it. It is not true that we don't have one, we just fail to in finding one.

I kept the full-stop and as I kept my pen aside, I realised that my phone
being wrecked has also been a good thing. After many days I've got a piece of writing. As I said positive and negative are the two-sides of the same coin, we fail to change
our perspective of viewing things. And it was not just a piece of writing, I realize I've actually intertwined my thoughts with the ink and expressed myself to the point.

And I realize I wove my grey cloud which was hanging above me with a cluster of bad vibes.

-Lohithaksha Sreedharan